Serendipity Wishes
I love Final Fantasy, Maximum Ride, vintage, and funny gifs. ;) My blog name means Castles In The Sky.
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j

Live like you have everything to live for. Die like you have no regrets.

Rules For Dating My Daughter

RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER (Written by a military dad)

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. On issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a Black Hawk chopper coming in over a san hill near Mogadishu. When my PTSD starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is me.

1 year ago on May 1st, 2013 | J | 7 notes
1 year ago on May 1st, 2013 | J | 91,656 notes
dreamcatch-ing:

fandoms-saved-me:

jackcicle:

irapemustaches:

stravaganza:

stigmatophiliac:


WHAT THE WAS THAT

THE YOUTUBE ACCOUNT ASSOCIATED THIS VIDEO WAS TERMINATED.


Wat.


uM

i think about this a lot,

Well

dreamcatch-ing:

fandoms-saved-me:

jackcicle:

irapemustaches:

stravaganza:

stigmatophiliac:

WHAT THE WAS THAT

THE YOUTUBE ACCOUNT ASSOCIATED THIS VIDEO WAS TERMINATED.

Wat.

image

uM

i think about this a lot,

Well

1 year ago on May 1st, 2013 | J | 982,231 notes

thejokerplantagenet:

wholockednatural-13:

carry-on-my-wayward-sanity:

buttholejamboree:

redkiteslongnights:

Sherlock’s face. he’s like, bloody hell

can you hear me from that far back in the closet?

How’s Narnia this time of year?

can you hear me from that far back in the closet?

How’s Narnia this time of year?

im so done with you all

I love this fandom. So much

FANDOM, I SALUTE YOU.

1 year ago on May 1st, 2013 | J | 37,728 notes
1 year ago on May 1st, 2013 | J | 44,819 notes

gelatins:

if you wanna join my gang punk you gotta be hardcore. *pulls out  temporary tattoos* choose a tat, but don’t choose the kitty that one is mine

1 year ago on May 1st, 2013 | J | 165,667 notes
notneverbrilliant:

sherlockspeare:

I don’t know what I’m doing any more.

Log: It is now month 16 of the Hiatus. The fandom has long ceased to make any sense, but I fear things are getting worse. If this trend continues, it is my opinion that, by the time of the airing of Season 3, the entire fanbase may be plunged into jibbering insanity.

notneverbrilliant:

sherlockspeare:

I don’t know what I’m doing any more.

Log: It is now month 16 of the Hiatus. The fandom has long ceased to make any sense, but I fear things are getting worse. If this trend continues, it is my opinion that, by the time of the airing of Season 3, the entire fanbase may be plunged into jibbering insanity.

1 year ago on April 29th, 2013 | J | 45,437 notes
1 year ago on April 20th, 2013 | J | 5,494 notes
the-absolute-best-gifs:

The Infinite Corridor

This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.

the-absolute-best-gifs:

The Infinite Corridor

This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.

1 year ago on April 20th, 2013 | J | 942,225 notes
the-absolute-best-gifs:


This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.

the-absolute-best-gifs:

This post has been featured on a 1000notes.com blog.

1 year ago on April 20th, 2013 | J | 79,788 notes

Ellie Goulding : Figure 8

thiswildsheepchase:

Ellie can’t go wrong. Check out her latest for Figure 8.

ellie goulding figure8 01

ellie goulding figure8 02

ellie goulding figure8 03

ellie goulding figure8 04

ellie goulding figure8 05

ellie goulding figure8 06

ellie goulding figure8 07

ellie goulding figure8 08

ellie goulding figure8 09

1 year ago on April 15th, 2013 | J | 4 notes
butdoctorwho:

winchesterwarriors:

roblering:

THIS IS GENIOUS

THIS POST HAS CHANGED MY LIFE

butdoctorwho:

winchesterwarriors:

roblering:

THIS IS GENIOUS

THIS POST HAS CHANGED MY LIFE

image

1 year ago on April 8th, 2013 | J | 36,546 notes
thatsrealistic:

Follow me if you like tattoos!

thatsrealistic:

Follow me if you like tattoos!

1 year ago on April 7th, 2013 | J | 384 notes
simplyhavefaith:

 

itseasytoremember:

whythefuckareyouromeo:


0ver-doze:

omg they are so offended if you lick them back. 

Fun fact! Dogs lick the mouths of those they consider higher in rank! So if you lick them back, they are not offended, they just don’t see themselves as higher than you and they are confused! The second dog must be a very loyal dog because he or she literally refuses to be licked back haha! I love dogs.

i started reading that expecting an angry rant and it turned out to be one of the nicest things ever.


yeah honestly^ I was like here we go again, another crazy rant. But you’re awesome :)

simplyhavefaith:

 

itseasytoremember:

whythefuckareyouromeo:


0ver-doze
:

image

omg they are so offended if you lick them back. 

Fun fact! Dogs lick the mouths of those they consider higher in rank! So if you lick them back, they are not offended, they just don’t see themselves as higher than you and they are confused! The second dog must be a very loyal dog because he or she literally refuses to be licked back haha! I love dogs.

i started reading that expecting an angry rant and it turned out to be one of the nicest things ever.

yeah honestly^ I was like here we go again, another crazy rant. But you’re awesome :)

1 year ago on April 1st, 2013 | J | 946,870 notes

littletrenchcoatangel:

theinformationdump:

Body Language Cheat Sheet for Writers

As described by Selnick’s article:

Author and doctor of clinical psychology Carolyn Kaufman has released a one-page body language cheat sheet of psychological “tells” (PDF link) fiction writers can use to dress their characters.

1 year ago on March 26th, 2013 | J | 304,808 notes